Free the will

My therapist does this thing: every time I tell him I did something dumb and impulsive, he tells me there's wisdom in it. Used to bother the Hell out of me, until I realized I don't pay him to judge me, I pay him to teach me to judge myself less.

I've always been this way – I sweat the small things, what color pen I want, what I want to eat for dinner (I decide on breakfast the night before), but when it comes to big decisions, I hardly need to deliberate. And when it comes down to it, I'm never free of regret, but I never regret acting quickly.

They say we are who we are based on the sum of our choices, but maybe it works both ways. Some are destined to repeat their mistakes and we call it fate, a curse. And some act in such a way that shows their personality, be it in all its predictability, or lack thereof. Their decisions take them places they were always meant to go.

What it creates is an illusion of free will, not that it never becomes a reality, as some people can and do change, but make no mistake, some roads are meant to be taken lead by the essence of who you are, if you're aware of it.

You never know if the choice you've made is the right one, and in more ways than one, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you can handle the consequences. Knowing who you are helps with that, too.

Guess I'm not dumb, I'm just a Lediot.